Friday, March 19, 2010

the hardest week of our lives

Last week was...hard. Really hard.

So hard that both Jason and I agree it was probably the hardest week of both of our lives.

How do you begin to describe a week like that? Maybe I'll start at the end, where we're at today. We're home with all four of our precious girls. Everyone is healthy (except for Ainsley who refuses to poop...I'm sure she'll love me for that someday!). We're getting set in a new schedule. Jason and I are closer than ever, learning to take care of our much bigger family together! We feel extremely blessed!

God was gracious and we survived the hardest week of our lives!

Here are some of the things that made it so hard:

Our twins were born (that's the good part though!) and Ainsley was put in the NICU (the bad part!). All I have to say about that is *sigh.* Even today I'm pretty confident that that was unnecessary. I'm pretty sure she (and the rest of us) would've done much better at home. But what can you say?! That was the beginning of a lot of trials.

We brought Ashley home by herself, which was heartbreaking for all of us, especially me. It was terrible to have to leave my other baby at the hospital while I got to go home. Terrible. It's the weirdest feeling in the world to have to do that. I hope I never have to live through that again.

On top of all that, I was a wreck. You know those post-partum hormones? The ones that make you cry at the drop of a hat? The ones that make you cry just because someone gives you a hug? The ones that make you into a super-freak, overprotective mom? The ones that make you irritable toward your older, "my life has just been turned upside-down" children? Yeah. THOSE hormones. Well, that was ME last week. And magnified by two (or at least that's what I like to say)! =)

Walking into the NICU was really emotional for me. I would see poor Ains all hooked up to monitors and it would break my heart. At one point during the week they put a feeding tube in her nose because she quit eating (probably because she wasn't at home with her twin!). That was sad. So I would break down when I saw her. Then I would cry while the nurses told me how she was doing, even though most of the time it was good news. Then I would hold her and feed her and cry. Then I would say good-bye and cry some more. Sadness. Extreme sadness.

The girls had a rough time adjusting to the new babies too. Wait. No. "Rough time" is too mellow of a term. Flipped out. Freaked out. Came undone. Yeah. That's more like it. So lets just say it was tough. It was especially tough on Jason who was dealing with them a lot more than me. I was busy feeding babies. He was busy trying to maintain some order and discipline in our home. It was really hard for him.

On top of bringing a new baby home, breastfeeding AND bottle feeding every 3 hours, and very little sleep in between, we were making four trips a day to the hospital to feed Ainsley. The hospital is 20 minutes away and we usually stayed for about an hour. It was really busy. All that coming and going really didn't help things with Kate and Juls either. I think they just didn't know what was happening. Heck, I hardly knew what was happening!

Let's just say I'm pretty glad last week is over. I'm so thankful that Ainsley is home with Ashley now. I'm thankful that they're both healthy (except for Ainsley's lack of poopage!). I'm thankful that Katey and Julia seem to be calming down and getting back to normal. I'm thankful that they both really love the twins! I'm thankful for a super helpful husband. He's amazing! Completely amazing! I'm thankful for the grace that God gave us to survive! I'm thankful for the grace He's given us to survive the lack of sleep! He has been so good to us!

And even though last week was the hardest week of our lives, I wouldn't trade it for anything since it means we have our precious twins! Our little family is such a gift from God!

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